OnTotemsAndMarkers

II. On Totems and Markers

Totem (n). An object regarded as symbolic or representative of some particular spiritual significance.

Marker (n). An object used to indicate a position or place.

In our sense, a totem is a physical object with some deep spiritual meaning. They may also serve as markers to remind and anchor our path to a particular time and place, to remind us where we came from and perhaps remind us where we are going. I have, at present, five totems. I had considered others, but these are the ones that stuck because they resonate.

These five are the CAB, the Scorpion Badge, the Academy coin, the Death Song coin, and the Cross & Medallion. By themselves and to others, they will be meaningless.

A totem must be a physical thing, something you can hold in your hand. Its weight is both physical and spiritual. Its physicality anchors you to the mortal world.

These totems are purely symbolic and for contemplation. Others aren't; a watch, a knife, a pistol. These totems are strictly be lain out and considered, to be used in a ritual meditation for anchoring and steering us.

We shall speak of ritual later.

The CAB (2007): When tested under fire, I stepped up. This totem bears the weight of fallen brothers, of service, of a trial by fire.

The Scorpion Badge (2011): Adventures in exotic places, and earned by enduring through a great physical challenge (where many of the others were medevac'd by helicopter due to trial by desert). This totem bears the weight of a trial by desert.

The Academy Coin (2021): Pushing myself through a rigorous physical and mental test, as much to figure out how much of myself I'd lost in the intervening decade. This really marked the trajectory of snapping out of the stupor I'd lulled myself into. It bears the weight of confronting how far I'd fallen, the cognitive dissonance I'd allowed in, and a return to form of sorts.

The Death Song (no date): I forget when I got this, but it has additional weight due to [REDACTED] and the ties to the Knights of Columbus. It is the heftiest of coins, a symbolism as potent as any other. It bears the weight of a continual reminder to contemplate your death - time flies, remember to live, and remember why you live.

The Cross & Medallion (2024): A St. Cuthbert's Cross, touched both to his tomb and to the Venerable Bede's tomb, with a medieval Miraculous Medallion. A reminder both of my blood and my spirit, with all the weight that bears.